in a dilemma

I feel real lousy. I just can't seem to let go, always get caught between my feelings and consciences

I don't know whether what i'm doing or what i'm going to do is right or wrong. HELL, i can't even differentiate right from wrong now.

I've waited for this for a long time, but i have this sudden nervous breakdown. I know i won;t be able to do it, but i just love to force myself for god knows why.

The thoughts of failure seem to plague me like some "T-Virus" or something along the same line. It never fails to make me "stone" and think about all these and other ways to escape this.

I just want to concentrate on something, just that one thing.

i need to.......

-Joei

eek

Ok fine.. i screwed up -.-

And i realize i have a few grammatical errors in my last post =x

Okay, from now on, everything will be with discretion.

I feel so crappy now, plus the fact that i was being stuuuupid.

I need heeeelp!!!!

-Joei

why is everybody getting so emo?

WOHOO... she's coming back!!! =D

Okay, my life so far alright, considering the fact that i just collected my diploma cert and this coming weekend could be fun =)

With a bonus fact that, Jasmine's coming back =D

I'm excited, yet nervous. How would i fare. Would it be another disappointment?

I've always tried to cut myself off all these sentiments, but i never was successful in it.

I was told that my life in future would be a good one if i could just concentrate on my studies (cliche). I'm hoping it's true though. I'm really doubtful about many things, such as the value of friendship.

I have this friend, whom to me was the easiest going person i've ever met, so much so that he does not seem to have a temper, but from what i can observe, it seems like he was taken for granted. Is it really NS's fault? He only began to change drastically this few months in which i am very disappointed in. I used to be able to ask him out without any trouble, but recently, all the answers that he gives are a standard "confirm with you on Friday"

I'm deeply disturbed by his change of attitude, for which i would always rethink the value of our friendship.

I always thought that i knew him inside out, but after this, the truth points towards the unknown

-Joei

depressed

I find life meaningless, i wanna die!!! my 2 favorite hokkien mee stalls are both gone!! Now i have nothing to look forward to, no goals, no more fighting spirit =(











-Joei

looking up to someone

I hate the fact that everybody's ORD-ing and i'm not. I hate the fact that i'm 21 and am liable for everything, including a trial and jail term. There are too many things i hate in this world. However, meeting people from all walks of life made me realize a lot of things. The fact that i hate seeing people ORD earlier than me is stupid, because we all serve the same amount of period. Being liable for everything makes me a more cautious person.

Just 5mins ago, i was talking to a good friend of mine who has already ORD-ed. He might be crappy and lame at times, but i think he's a great person, someone who is worth respecting.

This friend of mine, he might be rich, but is way too humble to admit it, which i personally think is a wonderful virtue. A smart person with a smart mouth who knows what to do and not to.

The reason behind me talking about this friend is because, after knowing him for a year plus, I get to know how to be a better person. His attitude as an RJC student is commendable. He does not harp on minutes matters like, having a girlfriend or having the latest phone, but is always looking for new ways to improve himself.

I, for that matter still look into stupid and time wasting problems which is totally regrettable.

Looking back, i found too many things which i need to learn to let go. The girl, whom i've always cared about, and a bunch of other stuff.

A little by little, i must try...~

-Joei

zzz

Whoa.. i'm taking back when i say it's the place.

My my... now i know what to do.

I think i should applaud myself for controlling so well. Never in my life, have i felt so ****. I don't know what word to use, so i shall just leave it up to the imagination of whoever is/will be reading.

I just found out that everything was covered by a veil of illusion, an illusion so well covered that if this hadn't happened, i wouldn't know it exists.

No, this cannot go on. I have to think of a way.

This is pure hatred. I'm finally feeling pure hatred.

Disgusting

-Joei

flashpoint

I thought i have totally forgotten about her, but the picture i saw started to haunt me again. I haven't seen her since the day i moved out and sadly, our paths never crossed. She was the first, she was the only girl who really knew me deep down, looking at her picture made me smile though. she seemed happy for which i'm truly happy. I chose not to contact her, because i knew if i did, i wouldn't be able to control myself, and i will ultimately hurt myself again. I swore to myself that i will not have these kind of sentiments ever again. I promised myself however, that i will never forget her. She will always be my best and only childhood friend. Deep down, i'm sure i can never ever look at her.

Swearing to the love and goodness of a lost part of my life, i have hurt myself deeply and is scarred forever.

She'll be missed dearly.

~~ Yue Li ~~

-Joei