i need to go... like seriously

i really hate to say this, but i really think it's time for me to go. This isn't nice to say, but i really am starting to hate the place where i'm working. People always say, "your office so slack!". Well, fuck you all. I dunno whether it's the time of the month or not, but my boss is seriously suffering from a heavy dosage of PMS( in case any retards don't know what PMS is, it stands for Post Menstrual Symptoms).

Hokkien calls it "lai ang"

Okay thats besides the point. The main point of this entry is for me to just spew out all the shit that i've been keeping to myself. First of all, my grandmother. It may seem long ago, since her passing on, but frankly speaking, i have not really got over it yet. At times, where ever and whenever, i'll just suddenly think of her. I really miss my grandmother a lot.

Then come to my work, okay it seems simple and easy, but not when you are being taken advantage off and even has to stand at the front line to shield everything. . I hate the fact that i get shit when i'm not the one who produced that pile of shit/s. I hate the fact that when i do everything and am not recognized for it, instead the recognition goes towards the rest. I hate the fact that i'm the "bad guy" who does nothing, when i think i'm covering the most.

Then, there's this problem with a girl. I just feel that it's really really hopeless if i choose to go on and try it out, so i shall just sit back and let it pass by me. I know i'm going to regret it, but i think this regret will be well worthed it.

Everything is meaningless to me right now. i'm numbed.

-Joei

lessons and more lessons to be learnt

I just saw this video clip, signs. Where it's about this guy who has a crush on some stranger who coincidentally works at the office building next to his. Well, before this, his life was a bore with the same routine everyday. Anyway, they started exchanging signs in the form of a paper with huge words on it. This went on for a few days until 1 day he wanted to pop the question "do you want to meet up?". However, he hesitated and did not do it. The next day, he finally got the courage and put up the sign, unfortunately, he was greeted by emptiness. It seems like someone has taken over her work space. His life "sorta" crumbled after that. The next day though, the lady caught his attention by reflecting the sun rays onto him, and she wrote that she got a promotion. after a few more exchange of signs, he finally popped the question, do you want to meet up?. She had a very simple answer, "thought you'ed never asked"

Well, the story ends with him meeting her at last.

A very cliche story, but i still liked it nonetheless.

This video kinda reflects what i'm doing now. I know things should be done quickly without hesitation, or there might be regrets later on.

But i still can't bring myself to do it, i have no confidence still. i told myself, i'll make the move next time, but i'll never ever do that, and i know it.

It's stupid and i jolly admit this.

There are too many differences i guess.

-Joei

losing battle

I have fallen into this trap yet again, but this time, i have decided to give up even before i want to try.

I know it may even be hopeless to try or rather THINK of trying, because i jolly well know it can never ever work the way i want it to be. Also, it's too early to decide anything. Fate is what i believe in, but not hoping for.

My mind is still very unsettled, still full with thoughts, some of them unnecessary. Actually, most of them are.

I daresay i am too thoughtful over every minute stuff, rendering me pressurized.

I think that i'm like, alone, without anybody to talk to.

Friends whom i thought i could confide and talk with, have left

sigh sigh sigh

-Joei

downward spiral

I think my grandmother was blessed enough to leave us peacefully. She will always be in me.

Been hyper busy last few weeks. Especially after my grandmother's situation got worse. I am really grateful towards STAFF and AO who gave me time off to visit my grandmother. The wake lasted 5 days, and i stayed up all night for that 5 days. It's seriously exhausting. It's finally over, but i still cannot grasp the fact that i cannot talk to my grandmother anymore. I wonder when i will finally breakdown.

-Joei

it's getting worst

I'm really just praying hard for my grandmother. I just can't seem to be of any help, except to pray hard. =(

I've been thinking a lot and i finally realize what is wrong. I'm rushing things too much. I thought i could handle it, but i always stop short at a point somehow or rather, and it suck. I really feel bad. I mean, I still feel, but i know i won't be able to commit wholeheartedly for now. I know i'm an asshole. Call me a wuss if it so makes u feel better. I'm pushing it too far and i think it's time to fall back a little. I really need to find my track first, if not i know i'll be letting you and myself down.

Take care~

-Joei

everything's going upside down

Seriously, i'm really wondering what the fuck is with people nowadays.

I really fucking hate organizing stuff because i know it will never ever go as planned, and again this proves to be right. I think helping in the chalet organizing will be my last i will ever do. I'm fucking.... no take that back, i'm WAY fucking pissed with people who ditch us the last minute. FUCKTARDS.

Asking people out for a simple meet-up can be such a fucking chore also. I swear i'll never help organize anything ever again.

work fucking suck big time.............

-Joei

super lame

I saw this thread in SGForum about this guy, nick-named "Devilplot", who claims he is a hero in Singapore, where he protects innocent girls from perverts, ranging from peeping tom, all the way to rapist. The so-called "true story" is uber funny i must say, here are some sample:

http://www.sgforums.com/forums/18/topics/298425

http://www.sgforums.com/forums/18/topics/299524

http://www.sgforums.com/forums/18/topics/299299

I was laughing all the way, and i must agree with one of the replies

"Such threads always appear when kids have nothing to do during school holidays and got alot of free time to fantasize"


HAHA

-Joei