it's getting worst

I'm really just praying hard for my grandmother. I just can't seem to be of any help, except to pray hard. =(

I've been thinking a lot and i finally realize what is wrong. I'm rushing things too much. I thought i could handle it, but i always stop short at a point somehow or rather, and it suck. I really feel bad. I mean, I still feel, but i know i won't be able to commit wholeheartedly for now. I know i'm an asshole. Call me a wuss if it so makes u feel better. I'm pushing it too far and i think it's time to fall back a little. I really need to find my track first, if not i know i'll be letting you and myself down.

Take care~

-Joei